Sunday, July 24, 2016

Adam and Eve in the Garden of App-en

Creative Commons on Pixabay
Then the Master of the Apps put Adam in the Garden of App-en to tend to it. And the Master of the Apps commanded Adam, saying, “You may download and use any of the apps, except for one. You will not download the App of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. For in the day that you download the App of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, your bandwidth will surely be destroyed, your updates will cease, and your connection will fail.”

The Serpent App was clever and adaptive, and, unlike the other apps, it had a mind of its own. And it asked, Eve, the woman, “Has the Master of the Apps told you not to download the App of the Knowledge of Good and Evil?”

And Eve answered, “We may download any of the apps, except for the App of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. For the Master of the Apps has told us that in the day we download the App of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, our bandwidth will surely be destroyed, our updates will cease, and our connection will fail.”

And the Serpent App said, “Your bandwidth will not be destroyed, your updates will not cease, and your connection will not fail. For the Master of the Apps knows that in the day you download the App of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like the Master of the Apps, knowing good and evil.”

And Eve saw that the App of the Knowledge of Good and Evil had many interesting and useful capabilities. Indeed it appeared to be the App of Power - one app to rule them all, and in the darkness bind them.

And Eve downloaded the App of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. And when she saw how excellent app really was, Eve showed it to Adam, and he downloaded it as well. And then, their eyes were opened and they knew that all of their online activities had been tracked and recorded.

And they got an app to erase their history and mask their identities, to try to cover themselves and their activities up. And that app was called Figleaf.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Black Lives Matter: Do the ends justify the injustices?

John Melavin, my mother's father.
He was a policeman in Boston. 
Note: This post is a departure from my normal subject matter. It’s hard to be funny and positive when things have gotten so ugly and depressing. Race relations are the worst they have been in the U.S. since the 1960s. It’s a very sad time for our country.


In Dallas,Micah Johnson, the black man who killed five police officers, clearly stated that he was out to kill white cops. While the dust was settling, President Obama said it would be difficult to untangle the murderer’s motives. What could possibly be complicated about uncovering the motives of a man who told police why he was doing what he was doing?


In Baton Rouge, Gavin Long, the black man who killed three officers and injured three others, sympathized with Micah Johnson, and was a former member of the Nation of Islam. Like Johnson, Gavin Long’s evil acts were based on racial hatred.


In his address to the nation, President Obama said that “None of us are innocent.” I beg to differ. In fact, I disagree. Vehemently. I haven’t killed, or tried to kill, anyone. And unlike some BLM activists, I have not said anything to any individual or large group that could be interpreted as an encouragement to do violence to anyone.


It’s very unfortunate that some in the BLM movement seem to believe that the ends - increased awareness of discrimination against blacks by the police - justify the injustice of killing cops. The ends do not justify the injustices we’re now seeing perpetrated against police officers.

Some of the blood is on the hands of the people who helped Micah Johnson and Gavin Long to rationalize their murderous violence against police officers. Those include President Obama and some BLM activists.

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Brownies and Bigotry in Collingswood, New Jersey



Wikimedia Commons
According to Philly.com, a nine year old third grader in Collingswood, New Jersey, recently made a comment about the brownies being served to his class. Another student reportedly exclaimed that the remark was racist. There was a call to the police department and an investigation of the heinous incident by a uniformed policeman and a detective.
Some people are of the opinion that this was overkill. People may not realize that hardcore racism can begin with something as seemingly innocent as a comment on baked goods. From there, the conversation can quickly move on to watermelon and fried chicken. After that, it’s just a few short steps to joining the KKK, burning crosses, and lynching people.
As Deputy Barney Fife would say, that’s why you have to nip this kind of thing. Nip it in the bud!

#JusticeInCollingswood #OccupyCollingswood


A funny joke for the 4th of July (Fourth of July).
Wikimedia Commons
Did you know that Paul Revere fathered sixteen children? During a tour of historic Boston, I went into his house and it wasn't very big. I think it's quite possible that when he went for his midnight ride, he might have been just getting out of the house for a while.

#MakeAmericaLaughAgain

Main Street, Jacksonville, FL




Sunday, June 26, 2016

Declaration of Dependence on God


This image can be printed and signed.
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for People to acknowledge that they are not God almighty, a decent respect to the opinions of Mankind requires that they should Declare the causes which have brought them to this conclusion. 


We hold these Truths to be self-evident:

  • that all men are Created
  • that if there were no God, nothing and nobody would exist
  • that when we depend on the Lord, He takes care of us
  • that the Lord is God.
We, therefore do, in the Name of God, solemnly publish and declare, that we are totally, and completely, and in every way, Dependent on God. 


For the support of this Declaration, with a firm Reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we pledge to our Lord our Lives, our Fortunes, and our Sacred Honor.


Adapted by Danny Murphy from the preamble to the Declaration of Independence. This piece was first published in the First Coast Community section of the Florida Times-Union website in 2005.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

This Old Joke, with Hillary "The Hack" Clinton



Hillary Clinton recently told  this joke: “Trump has written a lot of books about business—but they all seem to end at Chapter 11.” It’s a good joke. Unfortunately, it’s a joke from decades ago. Jeff Penn, who knows quite a bit about comedy, wrote on his Facebook page that he first heard the joke in 1981. 

According to Penn, “This line has been around for at least 30 years and used by several stand-up comedians. The first I remember it, and specifically used regarding Donald Trump, was comedian Dan Trigoboff back around 1981.”

Hillary Clinton is a joke hacker. If she is elected, we will someday hear stock lines like, “I just flew in from Chappaqua. Boy, are my arms tired,” and “Take my husband, please.” Does anybody really want to live in a country where the leader tells jokes like that? I think not.


Also, Hillary plays fast and loose with the facts. In a review of several books by Trump available at Amazon, none had eleven chapters. 
  • Trump, the Art of the Deal, has fourteen chapters.
  • How to Get Rich has six chapters.
  • Time to Get Tough has ten chapters
Using other people’s jokes without attribution is highly unethical and morally indefensible. When I am elected to Congress, I will sponsor legislation to ban the use of pilfered jokes. It has become far too easy for people who have nothing to joke about to obtain assault jokes and to use those assault jokes to attack other Americans.  

When hacked jokes get into the wrong hands, people get hurt. We must stop allowing people to obtain jokes through illicit laughter loopholes.  

In regard to stolen humor, the laughter must stop. Ask not, Who told the joke? Ask, Who wrote the joke? Give me laughter, or give me death. 

Let's #MakeAmericaLaughAgain