Facebook Anonymous: A Tale of Addiction

These are the first three chapters of Facebook Anonymous: A Tale of Addiction. With Facebook in the news lately, it seemed like a good time to post some of this material. The story is in first person as told to me by Candace Crush. My daughter, Patricia, did the cover art. The ebook is available on Kindle from Amazon.

Recreational User

I was a recreational user when I joined Facebook. It wasn’t a big deal. I posted a few status updates per month. I could take it or leave it. I never logged in at work. Within a year, I was logging in every day. Another year, and I was a complete junkie. If I couldn’t get hooked up for some reason, I was a complete wreck. As an Addiction Prevention Professional, I should have recognized the warning signs.

My work included marketing, P.R., and event photography for a substance abuse rehab. FB was growing like crazy and everybody seemed to think it was a key marketing tool. My boss told me to start posting some of the photos I took on the company’s FB page. Soon after that, I was managing the FB page. Then the boss told me to keep an eye on what my fellow employees were doing on Facebook. It was the perfect excuse for staying connected.  

My photography was good enough to get a picture or two in the newspaper every month. I enjoyed seeing my name in print. However, posting photos on FB was more gratifying because FB friends could “like” them. Sometimes they made comments. The likes and the comments were a tremendous turn on. That instant feedback was exhilarating. 

I started posting lots of photos on my personal Facebook page. Sunsets, birds, and funny photos when I could get them. When people liked a photo, it energized me. I soon developed an insatiable appetite for that high. On the downside, whenever I posted a picture that I really liked and nobody liked it or commented on it, I got depressed.

To Be Liked, or Not To Be Liked

I craved the likes. Then I needed the likes. Then I couldn’t get enough of the likes. What I didn’t realize was that the likes were triggering releases of dopamine in my brain. I was, in a sense, metabolizing my own martinis. I posted more and more pictures.

However, no matter how many people liked a picture or a comment, it was never enough. I wanted the same high that I had felt the first time one of my photos became really popular. The harder I tried to get that buzz, the further away it seemed to be. I spent more and more of my time on FB. It was taking over my life.

I logged on when I was sad hoping to see something that would lift my spirits. I logged on when I was happy to tell my friends. Most of the time, I logged on just to see what my peeps were up to. I sent friend requests by the dozens to people I didn’t know and who I would never meet. That didn’t matter to me. All I wanted was to get my numbers up.

Any tiny thing – whether it was music, a movie, a book, or something else – that I had in common with someone was a sufficient excuse to send a friend request. When I received friend requests I always accepted them. Lots of other people were doing the same thing. Of course, I hoped my friends would look at my beautiful pictures and my clever comments and that they would like me.

Games Users Play

I tried some of the games – Fruit Ninja, Angry Birds, and Farmville. Being a virtual farmer was fun, and I enjoyed taking care of my virtual livestock and tending to my virtual crops. It felt like it mattered, unlike the rest of my life. I’m proud to say that no pumpkins died on my watch. Also, my farm looked better than most of my friends’ farms. I didn’t pay to get the farm looking nice either, the way some people do. I did the hard work that it takes to build an attractive farm.

Then I developed a sweet tooth for Candy Crush. Looking back, that sugary application is where I began to lose control. In the beginning, it was free. They’ll give you a taste for free because they know that once you’ve had it, you’ll want more.

For some people, the addiction is instantaneous, like heroin and cocaine. After you use up all of the sweet lives they give you, you have to wait thirty minutes to get more. Why would I wait when I could have fresh lives for a buck? It soon became more like a habit than a game for me.

Game developers are like casino owners. They play to win and rarely, if ever, lose. At some level I knew that, but I played anyways. Free to play games are like the “free” buffets in Vegas. That’s how they get people to come in.

Not everybody who eats at a buffet in Vegas becomes a compulsive gambler. Some people eat their meals, play a few slot machines, and go to a show or return to the hotel. A percentage of the people who partake of the buffets will listen to the enticing call of the roulette wheel.

The free games on FB were an entertaining and welcome diversion for me. My life was dull and I had a job that was lousy in a lot of ways. After I started playing a game, it was hard to move on to the next part of the day. I always wanted more. Game developers know how to manipulate people to keep them playing.

Once I was hooked, which didn’t take long, I didn’t stand a chance. For addictive players, paying a dollar for new lives or skins or whatever doesn’t seem like much. To get to higher levels of Candy Crush, I needed boosts and extra moves. The more I got, the higher I could go. The higher I went, the higher I wanted to go.

I loved being in my own little world when I was playing. Before long, I didn’t have much time for my husband and kids. My virtual friends were better company and the games were more fun. If I woke up in the middle of the night I would go to a computer and login. Candy Crush was virtual comfort food to me. I sometimes played till it was time to go to work.

That was the problem. My work interfered with my FB time. Chatting, playing games, and checking out my timeline to see what my friends were up to was much more interesting than the stupid projects my ignorant boss, Mr. Roach, had me working on. I arranged my desk so he couldn’t sneak up behind me and see what I was doing.

I couldn’t stand my colleagues. They were part of the world I wanted to get away from. I wanted as little to do with them as possible.  If someone invited me to lunch, my response was always the same. “I can’t make it. I have to finish this project I’m working on.”  

If you liked this, you might like to check out the whole ebook. And, by the way, if you don't have a Kindle, you can get a free app from Amazon. 

Facebook Anonymous

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The Narcissus Code, Chapter 1

The  Narcissus Code is a novella which is available on Kindle from Amazon.

Coming soon to a device near you!

“Our speaker this morning is the author of a dozen books, including The Bliss of Narcissus, Ultimate Self, and his new bestseller Nurture Your Inner Narcissist. He holds advanced degrees from Harvard and M.I.T. and he is the publisher of I AM Magazine,” Christine White announced.

Jonah Redthorn checked his cameras and glanced at the stage. Christine’s platinum blonde hair was bound in a neat ponytail. A form-fitting red pantsuit accentuated her curves. Glasses with thick black frames gave her the look of a librarian – a very hot librarian.  As usual, she had the attention of the audience. “Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming Doctor Adam Arturo Nova.”

Christine initiated applause while Adam waited backstage. As the clapping peaked, he emerged and strode with purpose to the podium. His hair was dark with graying temples. Six feet tall and athletic, he had an engaging smile and exuded self-confidence.

At the podium, he turned a handshake with Christine into a tight hug. “Thank you for that fine introduction,” he whispered, so close she could feel his warm breath on her ear. His cologne was mildly musky with a hint of incense. Christine left the stage feeling light on her feet.

Adam surveyed the audience, inhaling their adulation. Well-dressed. Intelligent. Prosperous. Perfect, he thought. The applause subsided and he waited patiently for a few stragglers to settle into their seats. Then he extended his arms in a gesture of warmth.

“Good morning, and thank you,” he said in a deep and resonant voice. “Christine, thank you for that superb introduction. However, I do need to make one minor correction. My book is not just a bestseller. As of today, Nurture Your Inner Narcissist is number one on the New York Times list of best sellers.”

The audience erupted in applause. “Thank you all. Thank you so very much. You’re wonderful people, and I mean that.”

Jonah was surrounded by a sea of Adam’s admirers. They clapped on cue. They laughed on cue. Jonah anticipated that most of them would buy anything Nova was selling on cue. He removed his lens covers and moved toward the podium to start taking pictures.

Participants in the conference were all well-groomed and impeccably dressed. Jonah’s hair was disorderly, his jacket was worn, and his shoes were scuffed. As a freelance reporter working on a puff piece for Holistic Health, he was something like a hired hand.

“As those of you who know me are aware, and as the rest of you will soon find out, I’m not good at humility,” Dr. Nova began. “In Genesis, the serpent told Adam, ‘Your eyes will be opened and you will be like God.’ Well, ladies and gentlemen, no one has ever refuted the serpent’s assertion. Furthermore, my name is Adam.”

Pulling a shiny red apple out of a compartment in the podium, he held it up with both hands, and gazed upon it. It was reminiscent of the church liturgy where a priest holds up the Communion Host for all to behold. Jonah had a good angle and took the shot.

“When the first Adam tasted the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, it was, understandably, new to him. He didn’t know how to handle it. Man has come a long way since then.” Nova drew the apple toward his mouth, stopped just short of taking a bite and smiled a wicked grin.

With Kung Fu quickness, he moved his hands up and outward. The apple was gone and sparkling glitter floated like stardust between the stage and the audience.

Adam pulled a small device from his pocket. “In Greek Mythology, Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water.” It was the size of a phone and shiny with a green tint. He held it up for all to see.

“When Narcissus touched the water, his beloved disappeared. In utter despair, he killed himself.”

With his forefinger, Adam touched his device and the auditorium went dark. Some members of the audience murmured, not knowing if it was a mishap or part of the presentation.

The sound of waves came through the audio system, soft and gentle at first, then loud like a storm.

 “Let there be light,” Nova thundered from the back of the stage. Spotlights illuminated him. Gigantic video screens had been unveiled to his right and left. He appeared to be standing between walls of water. With his arms outstretched, he looked like a movie version of Moses parting the Red Sea.

“Peace. Be still,” he said in a commanding tone. The waves became gentle and the water receded until the images on the big screens were half water and half sky. As Adam stepped forward, his image appeared onscreen, small at first and larger with each step. He appeared to be walking on water.

Assistants of Nova’s who had been planted in the audience began to clap. Soon, everyone in the auditorium was clapping, then standing, and then cheering. Most were cheering simply because other people were cheering.

The larger-than-life images behind Nova were him, but better. On the screens, his eyes twinkled. People took their seats and the applause subsided.

“For centuries, people have treated narcissism like a dirty word. Something to be ashamed of. The idea of people having self esteem and thinking well of themselves has been disparaged. What nonsense! Jesus told his followers to love one another as they loved themselves.”

Lowering his voice, Adam added, “The problem is that many people don’t love themselves. The truth that will set each of us free is that we must love ourselves. If you want to change the world, loving yourself is the logical place to start.”

He again held up his device. “Before we began this morning, my assistants placed one of these in the literature pouch in the back of each seat. Please retrieve them if you haven’t already.”

Everyone did as Nova instructed. “I give you the N-Phone. I want each of you to breathe in. Empty your minds of any negativity you may have brought here with you. Now breathe out. Think of a place in nature where you have felt at peace. Breathe in. There may be a beach or a lake or a river. Close your eyes and go there.”

The only sound in the room was the gurgling of a mountain stream. The audience was bathed in the green light emanating from the devices.

So, this is what mass hypnosis looks like, thought Jonah.

Nova continued. “Think of how you would look if you were in perfect health and were enjoying the prosperity you deserve. Now, open your eyes. As you look into your N-Phones, you are seeing the self that you can be. The person you were always meant to be. Look into the image of your own eyes on the N-Phones.”

He inhaled deeply and exhaled and most of the audience followed his lead.

“I want you to repeat something after me. It’s very important that you hear what I say with your own voice. Your voice is the most important voice you’ll ever hear. Now repeat, ‘I am special. I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I am powerful. I am I am.’”

Nova repeated the mantra twice. When people refocused on him, he asked, “Do you feel empowered?”

“Yes.”

“I want you to respond with your inner voice, the voice of god within you. Do you feel empowered?”

“Yes,” the audience answered a bit louder.

“Do you feel empowered?”

“Yes.”

Dr. Nova took a deep breath. “I feel empowered. I know I can do anything. Thank you. I’m literally tingling from the energy in this room. How about the rest of you?”

“Yes.”

“We live in a challenging and unstable time. People invest in gold, diamonds, and other commodities. Sometimes they win and sometimes they lose. What so many fail to recognize is that we ourselves are our own greatest resource. Investments in self always pay off.”

Applause.

“Our time together is growing short. However, there’s no need for anyone to rush out of here. Continue to relax. Allow your minds to ease back to normal. Nothing else in your life is as important as what is happening right here right now.”

Jonah had never seen anyone control an audience so completely. These people would believe anything Nova had to say and they would do anything he told them to do.

“The N-Phones yours to keep.”

“They will enable you to tap into the source of power within you, to hear your inner voice, and to become your ultimate selves. In addition, you can sign up this morning for a trial subscription to Narcissus, the program that drives the N-Phone. The subscription will enable updates tailored specifically to each of you.  Narcissuscode.com is the home page for your N-Phone and you can enter your email address there. It’s that simple.”

Adam put his hand over his heart. “I thank each of you. You have honored me with your presence this morning. It has been a tremendous privilege.” Inhaling the positive energy of the audience, Adam slowly took one step back.

Christine returned, clapping softly.  "Wow," she said. "For those of you who have questions or need assistance of any kind, we have people in the lobby to help. Also, signed copies of Dr. Nova's books are available."

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